Beaver Blog : CBSSports.com Blogs

2/28 - Completely random and unexplained thoughts

Mon, 28 Feb 2011 14:57:32 EST

Did you know that the memory span of a goldfish is 3 seconds?

I don't know how they figured this out, but it's true.

Here's my impression of what I think a conversation between 2 goldfish could go...

Goldfish #1 - "Hey Steve, did you see that Bill got a new plant in his bowl?"

2/24 - Completely random and unexplained thoughts

Thu, 24 Feb 2011 15:16:21 EST

Did you know that a female pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes?

Wow, that's gotta make the male pig's feel pretty good about themselves.

They'd be all like "Yeah, see what I can do for you? See how good I am?"

But then the female's would be all like "Yeah but you ain't be puttin' a ring on my finger yet."

Completely random and unexplained thoughts...

Mon, 21 Feb 2011 16:28:41 EST

Did you know that 90% of all species of birds are monogamous?

Really, 90% keep the same sexual partner for life?

Wow, good for them.

But that makes me wonder about the other 10%...

The worst thing you can volunteer for.....

Tue, 25 Jan 2011 18:39:56 EST

....is getting a pet. Because someday you know that you'll have to stare back at them as the vet gives them a shot that takes the life from those eyes staring back at you. This is what I had to do on Monday. I had to fulfill my volunteer obligation that I signed up for almost 14 years ago and put 1 of my 2 dogs to sleep. Because that's basically what you do, is volunteer to go through this when you get a pet. You know that at some point in your life, you will have to do this. Hopefully sooner than later which was my case. But still, it is absolutley the worst thing you have to put yourself through. It brought a 37-year-old man right down to his knees. Here's the story....

A few months ago my black lab, Cole, started having breathing problems. He would all of a sudden have these spells of very labored, shallow breaths. But they would only last for about 5-10 seconds and they would go away. This would happen maybe 2-3 times a day and then he would be back to normal. My wife and I would notice it happen and just pass it off as old age. But as time went on, these spells became more and more frequent. So we took him in and had him checked out. But they could find nothing seriously wrong with him. So home we went and back to normal we were. Or so we thought.

Let's make each other laugh...

Mon, 10 Jan 2011 16:22:41 EST

Even though my beloved Packers pulled off a tough upset win yesterday at Philly, I still had to come back to work today, and I need a laugh. So please post links to your favorite youtube videos below. I'll get us started...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzcs8obIC6U

I laugh hysterically every time I see this. I know you will too...jive a$$ monkeys

11/22-Lazy Joe's Texas 'vacation' (gay film fest)

Sat, 27 Nov 2010 12:00:11 EST

With Joe being in Texas veiwing gay films such as "Saving Ryan's Privates" and "Freeing Chad's Willy", it is my duty to keep the Caption Challenge going so you guys don't lose focus. I'll make sure Joe includes these points on his blog. Here goes!!

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Veterans Day rememberances....

Thu, 11 Nov 2010 17:24:50 EST

This being one of the most important government holidays of the year, I thought it necessary to post a blog for everyone to remember our troops in wars past, present and future. I'll start it off...

I just want to take a second and recognize all the veterens from all branches of the US military (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard, and National Guard). I speak from the heart when I say thank you. Thank you for everything that you have done, are doing, and will do to keep us safe. It is because of you that we live in a free country and have the freedom to do as we please within our borders. You provide us with a blanket of freedom that we could not live without. Just saying thank you does not do justice for everything that you do for us. But please remember, if I could shake the hand and give a hug to every single veteren of every war I would. Without you, we would be nothing. You all are the nails that hold this country together. Thank you for everything you do. Stay safe and come home soon.

The NFL's Fab 11

Mon, 13 Sep 2010 10:27:03 EDT

OK, let me start out by saying that, yes, I am a homer. And I always will be. Being from Wisconsin, if you are not a Packers fan, you might as well be wearing a skunk on your head because nobody wants to talk to you. So even when the Packers record was 4-12 three years ago, if you asked me I would tell you that we were good enough to be in the Super Bowl. That's just what a homer does. But at the same time, I also know that nobody will ever go to the Super Bowl with a 4-12 record. I'm not stupid, just a homer.

Now this year, is different. The Packers are rated high on experts charts all over the country. Offensively and defensively, we are up near the top of everybody's lists. So this year I can say with confidence that we are good enough to go the distance. But of course, there are other teams out there that are also good enough and of course one of those "other teams" must be an AFC team. So, here is my list of 11 teams that I feel have a great shot at going to Dallas on that 1st Sunday in February....in no particular order either:

Brett Favre, by the numbers

Tue, 07 Sep 2010 0:51:27 EDT

Being a lifetime Packer fan has brought me alot of joy in the last 18 or so years. Especially during the "Farve Era". He and Mike Holmgren together brought Green Bay out of the cellar and into the mainstream as a team that was hard to beat. So, I will ALWAYS be a Brett Favre fan, except the 2 weeks per year that we play the Vikings. That is, until he retires...for good...maybe. Anyways, here are some very interesting things I discovered about his lifetime stats. So I thought I'd share...

- When Brett throws his 9th TD pass this year, he will have more TD passes than Joe Montana and Steve Young....combined.

- As of the 2009 NFL season, Brett Favre has thrown 497 regular season TD passes. The next closest active contender is Peyton Manning....131 behind.

9/1 Lazy Joe "Mystery Meetings" Caption Challenge

Thu, 02 Sep 2010 11:10:05 EDT

Well, Joe is claiming that he has "Meetings" today and can't get the contest going. Yeah sure he does. I think that's office code for "I have the hershey squirts and I'm to embarrassed to admit it.". Yeah, I think that's it. Well, he says that if I do a Lazy Joe today he'll count these points in his blog. So go for it!!

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8/5 - Lazy Joe vacation caption challenge - Day 4

Sat, 07 Aug 2010 14:01:00 EDT

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8/4 - Lazy Joe vacation Caption Challenge - Day 3

Thu, 05 Aug 2010 9:34:35 EDT

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8/3 - Lazy Joe vacation Caption Challenge - Day 2

Wed, 04 Aug 2010 9:38:42 EDT

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8/2 - Lazy Joe vacation caption challenge - Day 1

Tue, 03 Aug 2010 8:29:45 EDT

Well, with Joe being on vacation until next week, I've made the managerial decision to keep the contest going. Joe obviously would make the final decision but I will do my best to have him use these scores in his August contest. Let's keep the party rollin'!!!

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7/30 - Lazy Joe Caption contest....Buc-Chi style

Mon, 02 Aug 2010 10:38:20 EDT

OK boys, here you go. Duke it out for the July caption contest. Remember that this blog will stay up all weekend and I will score the winners on Sunday evening sometime. Everybody can put captions out there but ONLY BuccinGator and Mr. Mo-Chi can score points. Between those 2, whoever scores at least 2 points will be declared the July caption contest winner on Shuless Joe's blog. FYI, there will no "Theme point", only single captions. Good luck!!!

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15 steps to conference Utopia

Wed, 16 Jun 2010 9:40:08 EDT

With all the happenings around college sports concerning conference realignment, I sat down and came up with a 15-step plan that I believe will work for all involved. So, let's get right into it. The first 3 have already happened so that part was easy.

#1 - Colorado leaves the Big 12 and joins the Pac-10

This leaves the Big 12 with 11 teams and on the road to implosion. PAC-10 now has 11 teams.

#2 - Boise St leaves the WAC in search of greener pastures in the Mountain West

Now this would be huge....

Fri, 11 Jun 2010 20:20:20 EDT

ESPN Radio has reported this morning that Texas and Texas A&M want nothing to do with the PAC-10. They would prefer to go to the Big 10. I don't know if that's true or not or where they heard it from, but they reported it.

That would be absolutely HUGE for the Big 10. With Nebraska already packing their bags and heading north, the addition of 2 more Big 12 schools would be sweet. That would reinstate the Texas-Nebraska rivalry that everybody is complaining about and it would make the Big 10 the Big 14 and it would allow them to have a very lucrative championship game in football. Plus it would get Texas on the Big 10 Network and even more money for their program. Because let's face it, we all know that this expansion is all about money.

The part that nobody is talking about....

Thu, 10 Jun 2010 15:40:32 EDT

Everybody's talking about it. Nobody knows what's going to happen. But it's looming, and everybody knows it. The PAC-10 and Big 10 are going to expand. Soon. Very soon from what it sounds like.

The Big 10 is rumored to be getting Nebraska by this Friday and Missouri soon there after. That would make it a 13 team conference and they are still talking with Notre Dame, Rutgers, Pittsburgh, and Syracuse to see what would be the best fit to make it a 16 team conference. The PAC-10 is reported to be talking with Texas, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Oklahoma, Oklahoma St, and Colorado. Baylor has even been mentioned in the PAC-10 rumors. They are also trying to become a 16 team conference.

And unless you have been living under a boulder in the middle of the Arizona desert, you might notice that all of these schools are members of the Big 12 conference. And if most or all of the schools I mentioned above leave the Big 12, that conference would cease to exist.

Tillman is one special inductee......

Wed, 02 Jun 2010 23:28:35 EDT

When I saw that the 2010 class that will be inducted into the College Football Hall of Fame had been released, I immediatly checked to see who was on the list. I had been waiting for a while for my beloved Wisconsin Badger coach Barry Alvarez to finally get his name on the wall. Well, I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw his name on the list. "Finally...", I thought. But then my attention was drawn to another name a little bit farther down the list that I believe is absolutely fitting, Pat Tillman will be joining Alvarez in the Hall.

I just wish that Pat were around to acknowledge the moment. Although I believe, knowing what he gave up in life, he wouldn't be comfortable in the spotlight. He would probably take the plaque or trophy or whatever they give these guys, and just say "Thanks." and walk off the stage.

5/28 - Lazy Joe's caption contest

Wed, 02 Jun 2010 10:59:39 EDT

Ok guys, here it is, the Lazy Joe contest is up and ready for dismantling. Don't forget about the theme and challenge points!!!

Challenge point: Best theme talking like Big Gay Al from South Park

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5/27 - Completely random and unexplained thoughts

Fri, 28 May 2010 5:49:25 EDT

Did you know that in the year 2000, Pope John Paul II was named an "Honorary Harlem Globetrotter"?

So, the Pope thinks he's got game huh?

I can see him spinning the ball on his finger or dribbling between the legs.

Maybe he can even make a half court shot or some fancy no-look pass.

5/21 - Lazy Joe's Caption Contest

Mon, 24 May 2010 9:43:10 EDT

To make up for not posting this last week I will make all winning captions worth 2 points this week.

And just so everybody knows, this might be the last month of me doing this, at least for a while. I'm starting to get pretty busy at work again (thankfully), I am the head coach of my son's baseball team and the season just started for us, my daughter is starting to play T-Ball this year and I am the coach of that also, I have my Monday/Wednesday duties of Joe's regular blog. So there is alot going on in my life right now even without this blog. We'll see how it plays out. I'll still do my "Random Thoughts" blog from time to time and I'll still take care of my 1/2 duties with Joe but this blog might have to be sacrificed. I apologize in advance for all the tears streaming down your faces right now.

5/18 - Completely random and unexplained thoughts

Wed, 19 May 2010 18:27:23 EDT

If a synchronized swimmer drowns during their routine, do the other swimmers have to follow suit?

If you are going to murder a mime, do you have to use a silencer?

5/7 - Lazy Joe's Caption Contest

Mon, 10 May 2010 10:59:09 EDT

Ok guys, the Lazy Joe contest is up and ready for dismantling. Have fun and don't forget about the theme and challenge points!!

Challenge Point: Best theme talking like a parent giving their child the "birds and the bees" talk

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5/5 - Completely random and unexplained thoughts

Thu, 06 May 2010 2:30:29 EDT

Did you know that in Florida, it's illegal to put livestock on a school bus?

Well, how are they supposed to get to school?

I certainly can't drive them. I have to get to work.

And I live to far from school for them to walk. Plus they would just stop to eat grass along the way and be tardy again. Then they would have to stay after school in detention and nobody wants that.

5/3 - Completely random and unexplained thoughts

Tue, 04 May 2010 13:18:48 EDT

Did you know that Barbie's measurements, if she were life size, would be 39-23-33?

That's hot.

Nothing like a life-size plastic woman to get a man up in the morning.

Especially one with a 23 inch waist.

4/30 - Lazy Joe's Caption Contest

Mon, 03 May 2010 15:30:48 EDT

Here it is guys!! The Lazy Joe caption contest is up and ready for dismantleing. Don't forget about the theme and challenge points.

Challenge Point: Best theme congratulating BuccinGator on his 1st caption championship

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4/27 - Strange Sports Trivia

Tue, 04 May 2010 21:22:26 EDT

Did you know that it is possible for a team to win an NFL football game 1-0?

Can anybody tell me how....without looking on google?

It's a true fact and can be done.

Need a hint?

4/26 - Completely random and unexplained thoughts

Mon, 26 Apr 2010 12:44:24 EDT

Did you know that about 90% of the world's population has an "innie" belly button?

That's means the "outie" population makes up the remaining 10%.

Freaks.

You probably have 6 toes and like to eat worms too.

4/23 - Lazy Joe's Friday Caption Contest

Mon, 26 Apr 2010 1:00:56 EDT

Here it is guys!! Today's contest is up and ready for dismantling. Don't forget about the theme and challenge points!!

Challenge Point: Best theme in COWBOYSANDBEER speak

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